Today has sucked. I had to call my therapist to refill a script that requires her to do a prior authorization (because medicaid would like me to switch to a different generic than the one I’m on and have been on for 8 years…) and I know she’s going to want me to come in, which I can’t afford, even though I know she’ll bill me what I can pay and even then I’ll just feel guilty. I had a hang tag on my door from I assume the sheriff’s office that said NOTHING except to call a number IMMEDIATELY. I called and thankfully it took me to my mortgage company and because we are in the 3 month trial for loan modification they have to verify that the house was occupied. I’m kind of wondering why they didn’t knock; since a simple look into our living room would confirm that we were deeply entrenched here with no plans to hightail it out anytime soon. I still have to call the endocrinologist and decide if I want to try for a new endo just this once or get in to see a new GP who takes my medicaid and get her/him to give me the prior authorization to see my old endo. Honestly going to a new endo sounds like less work since it would only be one dr appointment instead of two. I think.

HOWEVER, a friend’s husband’s business that he runs has been going through tough times. She’s been out of the workforce for a few years but does mostly freelance TV production work which is horribly unreliable if it’s how you’re trying to support a family. So, she signed up for food stamps. I’m glad I could talk her through it and how it works when you need to buy toilet paper but you know your SNAP card won’t cover that. How it works at the end of the month when you plan on emptying out your card (don’t use the self-checkout, it won’t work there). How it doesn’t refill on the 1st of the month but goes depending on your last name. All stuff I found out by trial and error and fits of panic but for once, I saw something positive out of our whole ordeal: the ability to help someone else during their similarly tough time and ease some of their anxiety about a process they’ve never used or thought they would even need. ¬†And that felt good. For once, some little bit of good came out of our hardship and that made the burden feel a little more bearable.

That being said, the end may sort of be in sight: Hubs job, currently a temp makeing 22.50 an hour for something that requires 10 years experience, has been re-worked and re-definied to suit him and their needs for that position (it was an HR assistant but they really need more of a Senior HR generalist who can also help in some program development), and at an appropriate salary! With all the benefits of a full time perm employee! It’s on the cutting board for the FY2016 budget meeting happening in 2 weeks. If it’s approved, he could potentially start as a real employee on October 1st. Praying it goes through and praying the salary is enough (because if it isn’t he’ll have to keep looking but at least we’ll have the stability of a salary and benefits in the meantime).

I know I wanted to start this blog to stay positive, to focus on the good going on in our lives amidst all the chaos of extended unemployment, underemployment, mortgage drama, and dealing with social services like food stamps and medicaid for the first time in my or anyone else I know’s life. But I just can’t today. The girls are going ape shit crazy (because I think they are overtired but forcing them to rest is apparently the worst). Today has done me in. I’ve sobbed on the phone with my mom, and I don’t know what to do.

– got a call from the collections side of the mortgage company because we’re coming up on 60 days past due. apparently they don’t talk to the loan specialists who know our loan modification request finally went to the underwriters last week.

– got a letter from the state telling me we have 45 days from our notice of foreclosure to do something; now i have to sort out if there’s something i have to be worried about from the state and not just the mortgage company.

– got a letter from the food stamp office telling me we make too much money. the amount they have listed as our monthly income is a hilariously high number. it’s like they took our re-application (that you do every 3¬†months), did bad math, and ignored everything else in our account. i have a fucking college degree; i was under the impression i didn’t have to re-submit EVERYTHING, so if i did, i understand even more clearly how easy it is to go hungry. of course it’ll take about 2 months to sort out so yay! ramen for everyone in the meantime!

– went to planned parenthood for an IUD, have to go back in a week for actual insertion; have sufficiently freaked out uber conservative parents. but they take medicaid and don’t require me to wait 6 weeks for one of those rare new patient slots. i really just want to see my doctor, the one i have a 10 year relationship over 2 babies with.

– have 5 bills due this week and not enough money. husband has a separate “business” account for his handyman work (that’s about a weeks worth of ranting blog posts in and of itself) and says that money is being saved to fix his car (which has been parked out front undriveable since april) and he can’t give any to the household.